Posts tagged love
God is Gracious: Gems from a Jewel

Can I embrace my blackness for a minute? Black moms are notorious for sharing unsolicited advice and opinions. It comes with the territory. As my mom and I continue to age, we continue to learn.  We learn more about life, spirituality, and each other. We learn together. As an ode to my mother, I’ve decided to jot down my top 3 gems from her.

  1. Ease your head out of the lion’s mouth: I can admit that my temper isn’t always in line with the word. Although I strive to make great decisions, I sometimes fail to. In most cases, the failure is related to rash decisions.  My mom has always told me to be mindful of how my response to others (in anger) could impact me in the long run.

  2. Have mercy: Without mercy I can’t obtain it.  My mom often emphasized the law of reciprocity-sowing and reaping, and the importance of showing mercy because I need it even more than I need to give it to others.  Recognizing my need for mercy helped me understand grace and how much I need to receive and give that as well.

  3. Always pray: My mom is a woman of prayer, and has been for as long as I can remember. She takes Proverbs 3:5-6 to heart and applies it in every situation.  We can drive around a mall parking lot and she’ll pray that God gives us a good parking space. Sure enough, one opens. She commits everything to prayer. Along my journey, I’m learning to do the same.  

She continues to share her wisdom with me.  I’m forever grateful for my mom as the woman of God and mother that she is. I look forward to the additional gems I’ll gain from her.

 


 

[From] The Mind of a Savage Woman

I’m going to do my best to approach this unbiasedly.  As a wordsmith I pay close attention to words: trends, wordplay, context, things that are said without being said, etc. I remember when something was said to be bad, it was supposed to be interpreted as good. (Ie. “Girl those shoes are bad.”) A person that is “dope” is awesome, when in the dominant culture, drugs are referred to as “dope” with negative connotation. “The B word” was once offensive but now  comes in the form of a double negative “Bad B*tch.”  That’s a woman that has it all together and is especially attractive.  The saying “times are changing” is everlasting. The role and characteristics of women has changed throughout the centuries and as of now it has become agreeable and respected for women to be “savages.”

A savage is a woman that overcomes heartbreak and becomes a heartbreaker.  She may be manipulative, a player, “sexually liberated,” a user, so-on, so-forth.  She’s the embodiment of Steven Harvey’s concept “think like a man, act like a woman.”  It’s disturbing that women have to use these types of mindsets as guards for the heart.  A savage is a woman that can enter a relationship or relationships without emotional commitment and return the favor to the stereotypical cheating man.  While on the surface, a woman who can engage with a man without emotional ties seems praiseworthy, it should be alarming.  The “savage” women is actually a bitter one.

Bitterness presents itself in many forms: grudges, vindication, anger, Depression, pettiness, [covert] fear, jealousy-the list is extensive.  One of the more saddening facts about the bitter or savage woman is how she seems to fail to see the damaged condition she’s in.  Woman was created for the pleasure of a man; not because a woman is a second-class human, but because the man was created first. God is a God of love. I honestly believe that humanity was created to love because man took on attributes of God.  I further believe, it is our makeup as women to love and be loved, nurture, and wallow in the strength of a man.  Unfortunately, the greater representation of men do not always present character that would make a woman comfortable in falling back into the words (or “promises” of a man).  My point: we as women were not created to be savages.  It is unnatural.  We are literally not built for it.  Although the savage mindset is one that seems to be easier and is widely accepted these days, it’s unhealthy and devastating to emotional growth.  All in all, I don’t think there is one savage that can step forward and truthfully express happiness in her state of fragment.  Why is fragment even mentioned? Because a bitter woman is a broken one.  A woman that gives her body but not her heart is only giving a piece of herself.  A woman that gives her time but not her attention is giving a piece of herself.  A woman that offers portions of herself to someone but keeps other portions to herself cannot fully experience love and that’s what the savage woman wants; to control how deep things go and walk away victimizing without being victimized herself. Why? Because the savage woman is a bitter woman with patchwork and self-medicated wounds.

My theory: The newer generations are doing too much. No one wants to show their cards or be hurt.  Former hurts are released because forgiving and forgetting is seen as weak.  Commitment is taboo. Standards are despised. Love is misused and and altogether misrepresented. Relationship goals are based on social media posts and reality shows. People have recreated a facet of God that was here before we ever existed (love). Relationships have been manufactured based on trends.  Pride fuels heartbreak and revenge. However, I can assure the savage woman that life will be much more beautiful when you heal and and move forward with full knowledge of true love and a willingness to embrace it.  I really want to “take it there” and mention the role of the irresponsible man in a bitter woman’s life but I’ll save that for “another day.”  Ladies don’t be afraid to love and be loved.

Peace,

Risha

Why we Should Love Side Chicks

I do not condone infidelity in any way shape or form, but there are some things about side chicks that should be considered the next time we blast or glorify them.  Let's have an educational moment; a side chick is a woman who is "the other woman" in a relationship.  Here are a few names: Monica Lewinski, Olivia Pope, or "Barbara"-for those who need to go a little further back in references ("Woman to Woman").

Society has really distorted common principles.  Presently, it's acceptable and a form of bragging rights to be a "savage"or cold-hearted.  Love has been used as a means to manipulate, control, abuse, and other things so much that people claim to no longer want it.  Marriages are no longer sacred.  Monogamous relationships are no longer respected.  A man is respected for having more than one significant other.  Nowadays, women boast about "stealing" someone else's man or having their resources provided from another household.

There are two extremes to every point of view so let's take a moment and look at the other extreme.  Side chicks are typically frowned upon for being classless, home wreckers, or worse.  I believe we were created to love.  We all want love whether we are willing to admit it or not.  This includes the side chick. I do not have stats or surveys but somewhere down the line, the disdain for love has evolved from hurt or having an incorrect understanding of it.  Some women want it because they fear serious monogamous relationships of their own, some reek of misery and want to spread it to others, some have low self-esteem and look for validation in being pursued by a man. 

I'm not saying that side relationships should be accepted or encouraged.  I'm saying that we should consider that everyone needs love.  We as women should build each other up: point out beautiful attributes about each other, encourage each other, and share words of wisdom.  We should respect ourselves and each other.  Men (who also seem to seek a form of validation) should consider the emotions of both women involved and think of how their decisions impact others.

Case and point: there's nothing cute about having or being O.P.P.

There's a passage in Matthew 22 in which a lawyer tries Jesus (in a bad way) and asks which of the 10 commandments is greater.  Jesus tells him two commandments: to love God with our entire beings and to love others as we love ourselves.  When we love God with our entire beings and love others as we love ourselves, we won't violate any of the 10 commandments or do anything that would hurt ourselves or anyone else.  It's simple: The side chick should love herself because she deserves it.  Once she masters it, she can love others.  We as onlookers should love the side chick because she needs it.

A Letter to my Younger Self

Dear Marisha,

You’re such a sweet heart… I wish you would allow more people to see it.  Imagine how different things would be if people knew how much you laugh and joke behind closed doors and circles!  Sometimes life has a way of hitting hard. Don’t lose that smile. Don’t lose the life in your eyes.  We both know that parents don’t know everything, but they know a great deal. Listen to them. It will keep you out of harm’s way.  It’s imperative that you get to know and accept yourself as soon as you can.  This will prevent you from being put in boxes, seeking validation and acceptance, or all together pretending to be someone you aren’t.  Size 3 or 13, you’re beautiful inside and out.  You have always been a dreamer-never stop dreaming.  Use your passion for words to help you during hard times but more importantly commit that passion and gift to God.  You will encounter malicious people.  The world is full of them.  Some of them will pretend to love you, others will blatantly show that they don’t.  Do not allow them to change who you are unless its for the better.  Otherwise you have let them win, and we both know how much you hate to lose!  Guys are a dime a dozen.  The one that really cares will respect your convictions and will show interest in your goals, he’ll admire your physique without objectifying it, and he will value your soul.  Should you encounter guys that present qualities other than these, and you will, don’t entertain them.  You know your worth.  Do not be ashamed to assert it.  Heartbreak may or may not be inevitable.  I haven’t figured that part out yet,  just know that God heals broken hearts and spirits and you don’t have go through life broken.  It’s okay to cry sometimes.  You’ll find that a “good cry” will do you good from time to time.  Appreciate life, God, peace of mind, family, Godly connections, and even chaos.  Make the best of every situation.  Don’t be lazy-you’ll have plenty of time to sleep.  Love God at your tender age and don’t be so anxious to see what all the world has to offer.  Don’t be fooled by the appearance of riotous and carefree living.  It has it’s consequences.  The devil wants to sift you as wheat.  He’ll try to do anything he can but remember that your heel will bruise his head.  You are a winner through Christ Jesus and every thought and plan He has for your life is good.  Continue through life with hope or you will die without it. Love love in everyway imaginable.  God will see you through every situation. Be courageous. Everything will be fine.

 

Sincerely,

 

Risha

Sleeping with the Enemy

Truthfully, I don’t know that this blog will make much sense to one who has never seen Twilight or one of the movies in the saga.  For the sake of understanding, I’ll briefly provide background.  Twilight has a “vampire and werewolf” background with an undertone of romance.  Before you grow disinterested I ask that you continue reading. I promise that I’m going somewhere with this. Okay, so, there is a teen named “Bella.”  She falls in love with a guy to later learn that this guy is a vampire. A blood sucking vampire, so his nature is to kill humans and consume their blood as they have throughout history.  She spends time with him. Their love is mutual.  The saga continues over a few years as their relationship grows and they have to overcome several obstacles in their relationship.  It’s a movie so of course love prevails. Ultimately Bella is turned into a vampire (sorry to ruin it for you).  

When I used to watch the movie(s) I would always say Bella is an idiot.  Why would she lay in bed with a man who’s nature is to destroy her?  Why would she continue to put herself in harm’s way? Why would she allow herself to fall in love with someone who has made it known that ultimately he could hurt her?  He even goes as far to describe her as her own brand of Heroin.  In retrospect, I realized that I have been Bella. It wasn’t that I fell in love with a man that was a monster, but I put myself in harms way on several occasions by simply playing with temptation-things that [I knew] were intended by nature to destroy me. It’s not always sexual.  I have found myself in various situations that I knew at any moment things could go south but the desired outcome, or in this analogy “love”, outweighed every pending negative consequence.

As the saga continues we see Bella fall deeper into love with Edward (the vampire).  She has close encounters with death as a result of her association and love for him.  She is forced to choose sides and eventually becomes a vampire. What I gather from the fate of Bella is that one cannot lie in bed with something without ultimately subjecting themselves to the fate of that temptation-Death.

It’s imperative to closely consider what we entertain and allow in our lives. Let’s not  ignore warning signs. They are there for a reason.