Viewing entries tagged

Seasons and Cyles, Cycles and Seasons

2016 has been an interesting year for me.  It was far better than the other few years before.  It was full of untapped potential. That is probably the most annoyingly noteworthy thought about 2016: the amount of greatness afforded to me that I did not use. Even though there have been moments of frustration and wasted chances-as well as wasted resources, (time, energy, mental space, and money), there have also been milestones and life changing events to take place. I’m grateful for that.

This year I learned a lot about myself as well as a lot of lessons.  I took writing in my journal to another level and the results were amazing.  I noticed weaknesses that I did not know that I had.  I realized how some of my weaknesses were related.  I was revisited by “giants” in my life that I had not previously beheaded.  I evaluated and reevaluated friendship, kinship, and love. I developed a new theory: the reason the devil doesn’t show you a way out of his traps is because he knows God warned against it in the first place. Yet, the biggest lesson that I learned was how seasons and cycles are not synonyms.  

Sure, seasons are a part  of a cycle but they in and of themselves are not cycles. A season has its time of activity before there is a transition into another time of new activity. A season begins changing and preparing the moment it begins.  A cycle can occur during different seasons but that does not make it a season.   There were things in my life like repeated [failed] tests or self-inflicted opposition that I misinterpreted as seasons.  These were cycles because I was not putting things to death; I rocked them to sleep until I wanted them re-awakened. How foolish! Because I am officially hip to what I’ve been doing wrong. Some things have to change.

I never wanted to be the “new year, new me” type, but…follow me. December 31, 1862 the slaves were on edge.  The next matter of hours and moments were monumental for them.  Every thing that they knew about their lives would be changing. I’m sure it was exciting but what about the other emotions they may have been feeling? Nervous. Perhaps, scared. Curious. Grateful. Skeptical. Maybe a few were in disbelief. This countdown was not just a joyful invitation into a New Year.  It was a countdown to freedom. Freedom to liberties like reading, travel, the right to choices-even the right to say “no,” freedom from beatings and breeding, and a slew of other things.  

That is what this countdown to 2017 is like for me. A joyful invitation to freedom from cycles and a launch into seasons with progress. Similar to how I suppose the slaves must have felt, I am nervous, sometimes scared or skeptical, curious, and excited.  Truthfully, fear and skepticism, would have me stay where I am.  There are things that I can point out and say well at least on this plantation I know I have this or that, but there’s land and rights for miles and miles past my limited vision. I choose freedom. Join me.



Writing to Heal

I’ve always been better at expressing myself in written form.  I’ve also always found comfort in writing my feelings; while my primary purpose is to encourage readers to consider the power of writing I have to throw a couple of things out there as there is a “pro” and “con” to nearly everything.  The biggest “con” to keeping a journal is the possibility of a breach in confidentiality; as a child I cringed at the thought of someone reading “my diary” with the mini padlock that anyone could pick with a hairpin.  I still cringe at the thought as an adult.  There is freedom when one can express their innermost thoughts and feelings without any inhibition; in fact, I don’t believe journaling can be 100% effective without “the nitty gritty.”  It’s in these types of lines and writing that we are able to remove masks and lie back in honesty. Otherwise, we may as well continue walking around in hiding.

A journal helps keep a timeline for one’s life’s experiences (if it’s kept up). I can go back through my journals and recall where I was in my life at the time that I was writing.  It shows me how God brought me through adversity.  I am able to notice cycles and habits in my life-good or bad. I am able to share revelation from God with myself in my journal too. My journals have served as mirrors in my life: they have shown me the wicked crevices in my heart, they have shown me my struggles, they have also shown me some good things about myself.  I can process my thoughts. It clears up “static...” unclear areas that, sometimes, I did not know were even there. It’s similar to connecting the dots.

The healing that comes from [honest/transparent] writing is phenomenal. It provides a source of closure.  It allows the release of feelings that would otherwise be trapped inside. The healing is thought-provoking and can lead to healing that a person may not know that they needed.  For those that are into therapy and mental health services, it is a positive coping skill.  All that is needed is consistency and transparency.  Write the good, bad, and ugly, and watch how things begin to unfold.

Two Worlds Collide

May 31, 2016, will be a day that two worlds collide.  I tried to keep them apart as long as I could but this moment is imminent.  The fact that there will be no casualties is a bonus, but it doesn't make me any less anxious.  May 31, 2016, my first book entitled "Beauty for Ashes: The Introduction" will be released.  I use the phrase "two worlds collide" because it means my world of semi-introversion will collide with the world of others: family, friends, colleagues, consumers-everyone.  Quite a few people ask me what I like to do "after hours;" my response is always the same: "writing and sharing poetry."  This project will allow people into my journey, one that was well guarded.  Make no mistake, my book is not a "tell all" but, it shares my thoughts, my heart, life's lessons of tough love, my observations, and plenty more.  I've gone through multiple cycles of giving myself the third degree: "Am I ready?" "Am I dope enough?" Of course, the "what if's" have a series of their own.  

I don't want to give too much away but... It's comprised of my testimony, my struggles, my fears, my outlook on life including society and humanity, as well as my relationship with God.  There are a few excerpts from my journals.  Some of the topics covered are Christian living, greed, love, forgiveness, maturity, and etc. There's something for everyone, I promise.  Although getting to this point was not easy-I'm looking forward to sharing. 

Every now and again I do something and I experience a form of confirmation; it's like my heart gives me a nod of approval.  Despite the barrage of fear and worries I've experienced since I began to focus on this book, once I completed the project my heart gave me "the nod."  Should I never learn of any other gift from God, I know and will be forever grateful for my gift to write.  Sometimes I write purely from emotion.  Sometimes I get the pleasure of being the scribe.  He tells me what to write and I do as He says.  I can only hope that every reader gains more love and adoration of God after reading my book.  I also hope that it sparks hope and catapults others into healing and growth.  I now realize that God wills for me (and you) to be whole.  There are some cracks holes that He's had to fill.  There's breaking and healing that I've had to and continue to experience.   My relationship with God is a journey; I've had my first taste of redemption and in the midst of growing further in His grace and love I have purposed in my heart that I want to bring as many people along as I can. 

Care to join me?