Truth moment: I lowkey judged people who lost loved ones but continued to gather like we weren’t in a pandemic. As I write this, my grandmother officially transitioned from Earth about 4 hours ago, and all I can think of is how badly and tightly I want to hug my daddy-as unsafe as it is in a time like this. This was not the first family death that I’ve experienced since the pandemic. Nearly a year ago, I lost an aunt to COVID. I refrained from writing or speaking publically about it because I did not want to be insensitive to my family. But here’s the truth: virtually grieving was hard. Abbreviated gatherings seemed insufficient. But it’s where we are right now.

My introduction was written over three months ago when my grandma died. As of yesterday, my aunt has been deceased for one year. We don’t miss them any less. I come from large families: My mother is 1 of 13, and my father is 1 of 13. So, I have aunties, uncles, and cousins for days and days. Huge families are everything! Family gatherings are too! I’ve missed gathering while forced to grieve during the pandemic. My families are the types to celebrate and show love as units. Watching my aunt’s funeral via Facebook Live intensified my hurt because I was separated from my mom. We were fortunate. Some restrictions were lifted so we could gather in a small crowd when it was time to see my grandmother off. That was enough to be grateful for.

2020 and 2021 have helped me appreciate my loved ones more. There are lots of people who had goals for 2020/2021 that didn’t live to see. Some people planned to reconcile but lost the opportunity because death came too soon. COVID has highlighted the importance of humanity, love, and physical affection. Some things that I took for granted before now. Shoutout to everyone who has lost someone during the pandemic. Some people’s mental health was shaken. So grief hasn’t helped. Take it one day at a time. Embrace warm memories. Show love when you can.