I’ve encountered a lot of people in my lifetime. People with different religious beliefs and preferences. Some people are believers involved in church communities, and some prefer not to be a part of church communities. I’m big on communication and conversation, so I ask some people why they don’t attend church. Obviously, their responses vary. Some of the responses I've received have ranged from believing that "the church" is all about money, to viewing it as full of hypocrisy, to simply having no desire for church community. My thoughts regarding church are so vast that it’s difficult to even form my concerns and thoughts for this piece. I wanted to begin with an open letter to the “church” hurt. Sometimes I want to defend the church. Sometimes I want to acknowledge people’s feelings and experiences. Invalidating someone’s feelings can sometimes be the gravest insult. So I’ll merge the notion of the open letter to the “church hurt” with my concept of things that I wish people considered about church. Some people see things in black and white. I understand that some principles of Christian living must be black and white or hot and cold. But I also believe that two things can be true at once. So, I’ll start with an open letter, and the next piece will be things I wish people considered about the church.

To the one whom God loves:

Churches were never intended to be treated as secret societies, cults, country clubs, or any other sector that does not reflect the heart of God. The purpose of the church was for believers to gather to be strengthened, encouraged, and healed. Believers should represent Christ well, bring others to Christ, and help their journey with Him. Truthfully, I’m still learning about the role of churches in communities. I know that historically, church, the Bible, and Christianity have been used to suppress, oppress, and a number of other things that were not God. I can acknowledge this as a believer. I know that there are God-knows-how-many people who have been hurt attending churches. I know that people have been physically abused; people have been a part of ministries in which physical violence has ensued. I know that people have been molested, raped, and manipulated into sexual acts; I know that people’s resources have been taken; some people have been made to believe that their value in the kingdom or to God is measured by what they pay or offer; I know that families have suffered because of their dedication to areas of ministry that created imbalances and stressors in their homes; I know that power has been abused, causing some people with titles to develop God-like complexes. I know that doctrine has been misinterpreted; I know that people have been humiliated; I know that people have been ostracized; I also know that you have seen contradictions. It's a lot. I know. Things have happened for various reasons.

Sometimes people misrepresented their relationship with God. Sometimes people misunderstood scripture. Sometimes spiritual immaturity played a role. Regardless of the reason, the harm was real. As a disciple and representative of the Lord, Jesus Christ, I am sincerely sorry that you have been hurt. If you were abused, manipulated, exploited, or mistreated in any way in the name of God, what happened to you was wrong. I hope and pray that you heal from the pain and, in some cases, devastation that you have experienced.

I want you to know that every believer is in a different place in their relationship with God, and not everyone is a hypocrite or blood-thirsty wolf looking to take advantage of people. I understand why some people withdraw after being hurt. However, I hope you do not allow the pain you experienced to keep you from healing, trusting God, or experiencing healthy community again.

Most of all, God wants you to know that He loves you regardless, and He wants you whole. He wants you in a place in your life that you can embrace His love, submit to His Lordship, and reflect His kingdom on Earth. I’m just one person. You may never encounter the person or people who have hurt you again. Please just know that no pain is worth your relationship with God. I encourage you to pray, heal, and ask God for direction in your life. Your relationship with Him matters more than anything or anyone else.

I saw a discussion between two older celebrities that I thought was interesting. THey were reviewing text abbreviations (e.g. LOL) and explaining them. They landed on FOMO- Fear of Missing Out and someone commented that she had no fear of missing out because she wanted to be “in.” I thought it was funny because she was speaking as if a lot of people were inviting and pulling from her so she wanted her space. I also thought it was funny because I didn’t think anyone says FOMO anymore. A little later I realized that FOMO is actually still relevant.

I used to hear older people say comments like “Look at him- scared he’s going to miss something!” It was usually in the context of someone being nosey. I believe it’s normal to be afraid. I also believe it’s normal to want inclusion but I didn’t want to acknowledge FOMO to myself because I’m not nosey. I’ve been afraid to miss life events, like milestones or accomplishments that are important to me, more than local ones. Fear of missing those things has caused me to sometimes respond impulsively. Sadly, fear has sometimes caused me to settle in some ways. Missing some things isn’t necessarily bad. There are some things I’ve felt that I was missing out on that I’m glad that I did. It’s fear that makes missing out problematic.

Fear has so many tentacles. Fear can make you irrational, anxious, desperate, avoidant, angry, hostile, selfish, greedy, you fill in the blank. Consider how people acted when there was a toilet paper shortage, or when people feared for their lives on the Titanic. Look at how people respond in fear to what they don’t understand. 

Unpacking fear in my life has been a journey. It’s not completely left but I see why it has to. I hope and pray that this read inspires you to see the ways that fear may be impacting your life and decide that it shouldn’t have a place in your life either. If you decide that fear has to go, watch how peace takes its place. 

Last thing, I was afraid to publish this piece because I hadn’t written publicly in so long. I’m glad that I pushed past fear…. I still got it. Thanks for reading!

The 80’s made me but the 90’s raised me.  I’m proud to be a millennial. It’s not that any generation is greater than the others. It’s just that the 90’s was such as time to be alive! It was a time when technology was emerging, but it hadn’t yet taken over our lives. I was one of those kids who spent hours outside jumping rope, riding books, and playing with my cousins and neighborhood kids. Life felt simpler in so many rewarding ways.

Today, younger generations are born into a world where technology is almost second nature. Infants seem to instinctively swipe screens. That’s not a criticism—just an observation of how times have changed. As a therapist, I’ve found that younger generations, particularly Gen Z, tend to be more emotionally aware and articulate about their feelings. They have often made therapy sessions surprisingly insightful and even easier in some ways compared to other generations.

That said, one area where younger generations have shown resilience is in discussing grief, loss, and death. While these topics are universally challenging, talking to Gen Z about such matters can feel less dreadful than expected. I’d like to offer my thoughts on how to approach these sensitive conversations with them.

When we hear "grief" and "loss," we often think of the death of a loved one. However, grief and loss aren't limited to death. They can be related to any significant change—like a divorce, moving to a new city, or even losing a beloved pet. Grief doesn't have to be tied to someone we knew personally either. We witnessed this when thousands of children mourned the death of Chadwick Boseman. To many kids, he was the embodiment of Black Panther, a symbol of strength and hope. They grieved not just for the man, but for what he represented in their world. Adults have also mourned the loss of celebrities—or people we didn’t personally know like Princess Diana, Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, or George Floyd.

It’s important to remember that grief can come in many forms, and helping children and teens understand that is key to supporting them through the process.

Of course, maturity, age, and communication skills all play a role in how kids process grief. Explaining death to younger children can be more challenging, but it’s important to speak to them in a way they can understand. Use simple, clear language, and be prepared to answer their questions patiently, even if those questions are repeated. Terms like “passed way” or “expired” may not make a lot of sense to little people.

Sometimes, one conversation won't be enough, and that's okay. You might need to revisit the subject as they process and begin to grasp the concept that death is final—at least on this side of heaven. Be as honest as you need to be, but always keep their developmental stage in mind.

Life gets tough sometimes and they should understand that it’s normal not to be happy when life throws a curve ball. Unfortunately, grief can be one of those curve balls. Visual aids can be incredibly helpful here. Using pictures, videos, keepsakes, or engaging in activities that honor the lost person or pet can create a sense of connection and help children understand their emotions. Revisiting positive memories can also offer a source of healing.

One of the most important things we can teach kids is how to process emotions aside from happiness. Normalizing their feelings is crucial. Let them know that it’s okay to be sad, angry, confused, scared, or even shocked—emotions that adults also experience during loss. Giving them permission to feel can reduce some of the burden they might carry inside. It can also help you help them. Encourage them to express themselves, even if they can't articulate their emotions with words. Sometimes, drawing pictures, journaling, or creating something artistic can be a comforting outlet for children processing grief.

Talking about grief, loss, and death is never easy—whether you're speaking with a child, a teenager, or even an adult. But with patience, honesty, and the right tools, we can help guide the younger generation through these tough conversations. In a world where technology has heightened their awareness of emotions, Gen Z is often more equipped than we might expect to handle these difficult topics. The key is to meet them where they are, normalize their feelings, and offer them the support they need to express their grief in healthy ways.

T R U E S T O R Y
I was fascinated with postal workers who had access to post office boxes. I wanted to be a mail lady before I started kindergarten for that purpose. This memory is so vivid to me. It was the summer before I started kindergarten. My sister and I were visiting extended family in Baltimore. My aunt was at work, my sister was napping, and I was up and bored.

My imagination was my sole entertainment at the moment. I wasn’t in my aunt’s house anymore. I was at work. I was a mail lady about to put mail into the post office boxes. There was a problem. I needed a rectangular box with holes to insert an imaginary key to unlock the box. I looked at the wall; there it was! My mailbox was in plain view! Now I needed a key. I searched on the floor and found a hairpin. I thought, this is my key! I inserted my key into one of the holes in the box on the wall. It went it! I was met with intense pain before I could turn the key to unlock the mailbox. My pointer finger burned like I had never felt before. I ran into the bathroom and tried to turn on the light, but nothing happened. Luckily, the water still worked. I turned on the faucet and ran cold water over my finger (Cold water made everything feel better back then.). It burned even more. 

Shortly after, my sister woke up from her nap and tried to turn on the radio. It didn’t work. She tried to turn on the light to look at the radio. The light didn’t work either. I followed her from place to place in the room silently. She turned and looked at me sharply, “What did you do?” I said nothing, but she knew I was lying. Her eyes darted to the hairpin on the floor near the electrical socket. She put two and two together. Next was the spanking of the summer. Afterward, I laid on the bed and cried myself into a nap. I never (ever) thought of being a postal worker again. 

Fastward some weeks and kindergarten began. My teacher went around the room to all the students sitting in what is now called “criss-cross-applesauce.” When she got to me, she asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I froze. I didn’t know. She went through some options quickly. “Would you want to be a doctor or lawyer?” I said, “Lawyer.” She went on to the next student. Truth is, I didn't know what a lawyer was or what they did. I just liked how it sounded. I asked my mom about it when I got home. After she explained their role, I was good with it. It was a sudden decision. But, I held on to it as my career choice until my senior year in college: I was going to be a lawyer.

A lot happened after that day in kindergarten. As a college student, I loved everything about criminal justice. However, going to law school didn't seem to fit my life at that time. I decided against it my first semester of my senior year. I graduated from undergrad and accepted a job unrelated to my dream or degree. I stayed there for about two months before I determined  I couldn’t continue that way. I applied for a Master of Social Work program and was accepted. Once accepted, I had a new language to learn. Social work was so different from criminal justice. It was two different mindsets and systems. It was a new world for me. I adjusted and graduated with an MSW in May 2010.

I was fully employed in my first position as a Geriatric social worker in June 2010. I worked in a nursing home. That position taught me immensely about work life, the need for balance, knowing my worth, and understanding systems, people, and life. Working there challenged my culture as I learned of diversity and shared experiences. Within the first six months there, I was serving an elderly woman who had to make a financial decision to remain in the facility or return to live in the community. But there was a problem. She no longer had her own home. Thus, she would have had to move in with her daughter. My supervisor and I met with her daughter in an office where she was informed about her mother’s situation. My supervisor presented the options. The lady’s daughter began to cry. She explained that she loved her mother, but she could not see herself changing her mother’s adult diapers or even taking care of her because her mother never cared for her. The lady was raised by her grandmother because her mother chose to lead another life without her. That moment in the office furthered my interest in culture and family dynamics because I had never heard of such a situation explained so plainly and directly.

Though many stories and experiences have followed, many of which have added to the mold of who I am as a clinician and person, that experience helped me discard the box and expectations I had for others. Everyone has a story. Everyone has a why. Our various experiences and journeys help cultivate subcultures and ways of life. The stories and whys have been my cause for finding and presenting solutions. It’s my privilege to serve others in the capacities of raising awareness, encouragement, and spreading hope. Social work is not for the faint of heart. But it certainly has its rewards. Here’s my ode to all other social workers making strides and lasting impacts to make a better society.

Happy Social Work Month!

I don’t feel it’s necessary to run down the list of what everyone thinks or feels about Christmas but I’ll mention a few: I know that some people consider Christmas as a pagan holiday. I know that some people don’t celebrate it at all. I know that some people have researched St. Nick and other nifty facts surrounding the holiday. But I also know that some people do not know the meaning of Christmas. I don’t want to take the last fact for granted. So, I dedicate this blog post to sharing the meaning of Christmas.

Let’s begin here. God created everything that we see: nature, astronomy, animals, humans, etc (Genesis chapter 1). God created man and woman, Adam and Eve (Genesis chapter 2), to live in a sinless world with him. However, they decided to disobey God, introducing and establishing the fallen state of man. Their sin separated mankind from God. Generations became so much more sinful that God ultimately sent His son to die so that we could be redeemed and reunited with God (John 3:16). This is why we celebrate Resurrection Sunday (or Easter as some refer to it). Although Resurrection Sunday is celebrated before Christmas on the US Calendar, Christmas precedes Resurrection.  Christmas is celebratory for us because it marks the birth of Jesus, God’s son, who would grow into a man and die for our sins. That’s Christmas. But this is a summary of what scripture tells us happened.

God favored Mary (“the Virgin Mary”) who was engaged to a carpenter named Joseph. An angel informed Mary that she would birth the messiah and how it would happen (Luke 1:26-38). Joseph was going to break up with Mary after learning that she was pregnant with a baby who was obviously not his child. An angel appeared to him and explained so the engagement continued (Matthew 1:18-25). When it was time for Mary to birth Jesus, there was nowhere for her to deliver him so she had to deliver him in a stable. Hence, nativity scenes that depict baby Jesus in a manger or feeding trough for animals.  You may also see that there are shepherds who surround Mary, Joseph, and baby Jesus. That was because angels appeared to shepherds (Luke chapter 2) and told them about Christ’s birth. The shepherds then went to visit Jesus.

The basis for joy at Christmas is far beyond gifts, food, and family. We celebrate the arrival of the savior, emphasizing the birth of Jesus who would later die for the sins of the world. Theoretically, it’s difficult to celebrate his birth without considering his death. Because it was his death that restored our relationship with God and the finished work of the cross that provides access to eternal life through all who are willing to accept him.

It’s not a fairy tale or legend. Jesus was indeed born to die for us. Christmas is our joyful reminder of how much God loved us long before we loved him.