Talking to Kids about Loss, Grief, and Death

The 80’s made me but the 90’s raised me.  I’m proud to be a millennial. It’s not that any generation is greater than the others. It’s just that the 90’s was such as time to be alive! It was a time when technology was emerging, but it hadn’t yet taken over our lives. I was one of those kids who spent hours outside jumping rope, riding books, and playing with my cousins and neighborhood kids. Life felt simpler in so many rewarding ways.

Today, younger generations are born into a world where technology is almost second nature. Infants seem to instinctively swipe screens. That’s not a criticism—just an observation of how times have changed. As a therapist, I’ve found that younger generations, particularly Gen Z, tend to be more emotionally aware and articulate about their feelings. They have often made therapy sessions surprisingly insightful and even easier in some ways compared to other generations.

That said, one area where younger generations have shown resilience is in discussing grief, loss, and death. While these topics are universally challenging, talking to Gen Z about such matters can feel less dreadful than expected. I’d like to offer my thoughts on how to approach these sensitive conversations with them.

When we hear "grief" and "loss," we often think of the death of a loved one. However, grief and loss aren't limited to death. They can be related to any significant change—like a divorce, moving to a new city, or even losing a beloved pet. Grief doesn't have to be tied to someone we knew personally either. We witnessed this when thousands of children mourned the death of Chadwick Boseman. To many kids, he was the embodiment of Black Panther, a symbol of strength and hope. They grieved not just for the man, but for what he represented in their world. Adults have also mourned the loss of celebrities—or people we didn’t personally know like Princess Diana, Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, or George Floyd.

It’s important to remember that grief can come in many forms, and helping children and teens understand that is key to supporting them through the process.

Of course, maturity, age, and communication skills all play a role in how kids process grief. Explaining death to younger children can be more challenging, but it’s important to speak to them in a way they can understand. Use simple, clear language, and be prepared to answer their questions patiently, even if those questions are repeated. Terms like “passed way” or “expired” may not make a lot of sense to little people.

Sometimes, one conversation won't be enough, and that's okay. You might need to revisit the subject as they process and begin to grasp the concept that death is final—at least on this side of heaven. Be as honest as you need to be, but always keep their developmental stage in mind.

Life gets tough sometimes and they should understand that it’s normal not to be happy when life throws a curve ball. Unfortunately, grief can be one of those curve balls. Visual aids can be incredibly helpful here. Using pictures, videos, keepsakes, or engaging in activities that honor the lost person or pet can create a sense of connection and help children understand their emotions. Revisiting positive memories can also offer a source of healing.

One of the most important things we can teach kids is how to process emotions aside from happiness. Normalizing their feelings is crucial. Let them know that it’s okay to be sad, angry, confused, scared, or even shocked—emotions that adults also experience during loss. Giving them permission to feel can reduce some of the burden they might carry inside. It can also help you help them. Encourage them to express themselves, even if they can't articulate their emotions with words. Sometimes, drawing pictures, journaling, or creating something artistic can be a comforting outlet for children processing grief.

Talking about grief, loss, and death is never easy—whether you're speaking with a child, a teenager, or even an adult. But with patience, honesty, and the right tools, we can help guide the younger generation through these tough conversations. In a world where technology has heightened their awareness of emotions, Gen Z is often more equipped than we might expect to handle these difficult topics. The key is to meet them where they are, normalize their feelings, and offer them the support they need to express their grief in healthy ways.