20 years ago, I was a high school Junior in 2003 (sheesh!). I thought I was going into the US Air Force. I thought the same my senior year. Although I said I wanted to be a lawyer since I was a kindergarten student. I decided against the Air Force–without a backup plan during my senior year. I only knew a few History Black Colleges and Universities (HBCU's). Those were Winston-Salem State (WSSU), Fayetteville State (FSU), Elizabeth City State University (ECSU), North Carolina Agriculture and Technical State University (NC A&T), and North Carolina Central University (NCCU). I learned about those from a couple of high school alumni who returned to inform current students about the colleges they attended and what it was like. I also heard about different schools from my church members. I had two older cousins who left for universities. One went to Fayetteville State (FSU), and the other went to the University of North Carolina Chapel Hill (UNC). Those few people and A Different World were about as close as I got to college information. 

 I was aiming for NCCU because that school stood out among the descriptions. I later heard that NCCU had a great (and great was an understatement) Law program that could be better accessible to undergraduate students. I took that SAT on a whim--there was not much studying or preparation. I received waivers for college application fees per the advice of a high school teacher. I applied to two colleges: NCCU and FSU. I was accepted into FSU first. That was cool- my first college acceptance; but my heart was on NCCU. In April 2004, a month before my high school graduation, I received my acceptance letter from NCCU. In my mind, IT WAS ON! My mom told me something that didn’t make a lot of sense at the moment: “Wait a minute, Marisha. We have to look at some costs!” That was a reality check for me because I had never considered how I would pay for college. It never crossed my mind.

We had to buy sheets, a laundry hamper, a comforter, toiletries, and lots of stuff I had never thought I would need. August 2004 came. My heart was beating out of my chest. I had never been that far away from my parents before. My first cousin was my roommate, which was a big help but college was a new world. We joined the other students for orientation. Freshmen were taken to the cafeteria and headed to the financial aid building where we were introduced to applying for student loans. I didn’t know what the heck I was doing. I just filled out the forms. That felt like the culture for students on the yard.

Fast forward and refund checks were dispersed. I didn’t receive one each time. Now, I’m thankful for that. However, refund check dispersal seemed to be a bit of a celebratory time on the yard. I was clueless about financial literacy. Fast forward further, and I graduated with undergraduate and graduate degrees with undergraduate and graduate school debt. Here’s where it’s interesting: I took an aptitude test in high school that indicated my career should be in writing. That was so inaccurate back then, but now you’re reading my blog. Nevertheless, I earned two degrees from NCCU, one in Criminal Justice and a Master of Social Work. I was finding my way. I decided that I could help adolescents in the juvenile justice system via Social Work since I decided against defending them in court. 

This is a simplified version of my journey that’s still unwinding. But thankfully, it hasn’t taken me to get to the end of the road before I learned a thing or two. Here are my biggest takeaways:

• The sooner a person identifies and explores their skills and passions, the easier it is to determine where they may thrive.

• College education is not for everyone. There are other considerable ventures that should be considered without shaming.

• Scholarships are far more valuable than how they may be marketed to some populations. 

• Internships are a great way to determine if a career field is for you before you are fully vested.

• Although my parents never had problems with me and school, I've learned a lot about parent-school relationships as a a mental health clinician. Parents should know their kids’ grades, teachers, school activities, and resources available to best suit and support their children and success.

Gen Z’s appear to be more self-aware than older generations. Their insight in conjunction with newer eras of child-rearing and the power of the internet have made a much better road ahead for them. They have created options for themselves that were not necessarily available during the eras of house phones and internet dial-up. However, their wealth of knowledge is pointless without wisdom. I’ve shared my gems. Share yours. 

It’s no exaggeration when I say that 2022 owes me nothing. I had some challenges and moments that felt like setbacks; however, I came out on top every time. 2022 taught me a lot about myself: how I respond under pressure, where my faith was in situations, and some positive negative factors of my heart. I have a lot of takeaways but here are the top three:

1-Grudges are just as much about the mind as the heart

I noticed that grudges continued brewing for as long as I “villanized” people– focused on their wrongs towards me and their character flaws. It was counterproductive to forgive because zooming in on their offensive ways made it easier to harbor negative thoughts. The scales tipped when I thought of the positive aspects: that the good outweighed the negative and that offenses were not the only things present in those encounters and relationships. 

2-Prepare for an unorthodox journey when you walk with God

I have a saying, “God is not obvious.” It means that we can’t calculate God’s next move despite how “logical” it seems it should be. Last summer God told me that everyone’s journey is different including my own. There are some routes to getting to God’s promises that others may not understand (or agree with) but if you are following God’s plan, that’s okay.

3- Build your “word” from year-to-year

God gave me one word coming into 2020. I didn’t ask Him what he wanted me to do with the word or gain from it. I assumed it wanted me to “create it.” I was so wrong in my assumptions. The next year came and I asked Him for another word because of the impact from the year before. It wasn’t until the other day that I realized that the words from “each year” should be building blocks and not just words for a single year (Duh, Marisha!). This shouldn’t be confused with time or seasons as changes will occur in our lives. Some assignments will have expiration dates but be sure to remember what you’ve learned from one place in God to another.

I sometimes visualize “The Barney Bag” when I think of the enemy’s tricks and devices. For those who: 1) May find it bizarre that I know about the Barney bag; 2) Find it bizarre that I parallel the two concepts, and 3) Have no clue what the Barney bag is, follow me. I became an aunt at the age of 5. Although I was older than my nieces and nephews, I had to watch what they liked-and they LOVED Barney. Hence, I’ve seen a lot of episodes and know some of the jams from the show. 

The Barney Bag was a magical bag (because everything about Barney was magical) that would appear in the classroom/learning center filled with various items that Barney and the kids used to create various crafts for their enjoyment. They sang these lyrics each time they explored the items in the bag: “Well, I’ve been looking in my Barney Bag. And I’ve found a lot of things: gizmos and gadgets and odds and ends. Even some old string. So let’s ask ourselves a question: ‘What can we make today?’ With imagination and the Barney bag, we’ll see what we can make today.” I believe the enemy has his own “Barney Bag” and that he also looks through the devices with enthusiasm. There’s nothing spectacular about what’s inside; he simply knows how to create devices that cause distraction and destruction among the sons and daughters of God. 

Duplication is one of the enemy’s tricks. He is huge on counterfeits and has his version of everything that God has. God has conviction; the enemy has condemnation. Condemnation and shame are close kin. The enemy uses condemnation to trigger others to become silent, isolate, self-sabotage, hide, and settle further into where they are. Condemnation makes people feel worthless and unworthy. It separates its listeners from the love of God. 

I grew up in church. One of our memory verses, or what I now call “pocket scriptures”, was John 3:16. I could say it at any speed on the drop of a dime, but it took decades for me to learn the depth of what God was actually telling me in that verse. The world and I saw different versions of me when I left my parents’ nest. The enemy used some of the things I experienced and indulged in to douse me in condemnation which led me to believe that I was not worthy of the kingdom’s full benefits. I knew God loved me, but I didn’t KNOW He loved me. So, when I came to salvation, I took a backseat to everything. I hid because I felt I did well to be in the kingdom. I didn’t really need to try to push any limits by doing anything else beyond repentance. I felt three times less than unworthy.

I want everyone to know that condemnation does not come from God. We should always be remorseful and willing to turn away from what grieves or displeases God; but we should never feel that we cannot talk to him or return to him. Jesus plainly explained Satan’s plans to kill, steal, and destroy; he also plainly explained his own. He came that we could have life more abundantly.

The abundant life, life that is full of goodness, provision, protection, love, peace, and more, is available to anyone willing to accept it. We are not ignorant regarding the devil’s devices! I encourage you to refer to the word of God for insight into what God thinks and says about you. You’ll see for yourself that God has nothing but love for you. We can't go backward. It's time to move forward. Put the enemy’s device of condemnation to death and enjoy the life God intends for you.

I’ve been telling y’all for months that I had "a lot" to share. The “a lot” starts here. 2020 approached me with a pandemic and romantic interest. I met a guy through his mom in July 2020. We seemed to click instantly. We became a couple towards the fall of the same year. It was an adjustment in several ways:

• My first relationship in the kingdom

• My first relationship in over a decade

• My first long-distance relationship

As with any relationship, we had things in common; but we also had differences that, unfortunately, led to our breakup last fall. We dated for a little over a year. So, I had a valentine this time last year.

Some people are scrooges for holidays like Valentine’s Day because they are single or have a tragic past with relationships. I want to encourage you not to be. I learned that relationships come with work and are not ideal for anyone who is not willing or ready to be emotionally available, honest, flexible, or engaging. 

So, being single today is not necessarily negative. You’re not alone. Take this time to learn, grow, and establish boundaries and standards so that you are in a healthy place to enjoy the relationship and thrive together when the right person approaches. 

Happy Valentine’s Day! 

Some time ago I wrote a letter to my younger self. Click here to read it. A few years later and I’m officially 35. At 18, I thought 30 was old. When I turned 25, I thought: “30 isn’t that old” but I gave 40 the side-eye, once I turned 35. I’ve decided that 35 is a good age to write forward...

To my future self:

So far, so good. Of course, there have been some setbacks and disappointments, but we’ve had some come up’s too. Sometimes I wonder if you’ll hit your 5, 10, 20-year goals but I believe in (the) God in you. I believe that you will be who He said you’ll be and that the good work he began in us will be performed until the day of Jesus Christ. That’s what keeps me going and the same will help you. 

I’ve grown in some areas but there are other areas that you’ll have to carry the torch in. I told our younger self that she would be fine, and I’m telling you the same. I reflected on some things that God brought her from, and one day, you’ll beam in God’s grace when you do the same with me. God’s grace has always been here. He continues to show himself strong. You’ll see. Our younger self loved to write but was bashful to share. I still love writing and share it a little easier. I want to encourage you to never stop writing or sharing. Remember how much it’s always meant and allow that to be the reason why you write. 

There have been some significant changes. Some seasons have been unpredicted but don’t worry--I’m moving accordingly to make sure that there’s a better you. I’ve had to learn some hard lessons because our younger self wouldn’t. Our younger self missed a lot of warning signs, but so have I. Just know that I know a little more about loyalty, love, and resilience. You may be happy to know that I’m making some strides towards my physical health to make sure that you, my future self, are the best version of me that you can be. I didn’t realize that this was a joint effort until now. My younger self was the push to be the woman we’re becoming. I am the push behind you. I don’t know all the details but I know that there will be a great deal of good (to say the least). Your heart will only be warmer. Your smile will only be brighter. God’s hand will never move. I’m optimistic. You should be too.

Sincerely,

Marisha