It's impossible to dig into this post without revisiting the ugly scars of slavery; the primary concept in this context is Willie Lynchism.  For those who are unfamiliar, Willie Lynch constructed a letter to other slave owners that provided insight to ensure division among the slaves by using their complexions, hair texture, and other factors.  This may have been one of the most influential implementations as it is a form of slavery that continues to exist.  There's nothing wrong with preference.  However, there is something wrong when a person's physical appearance causes personal bias.  I have dark skin. Throughout my life, I have experienced the transition from being a "dark-skinned girl" to "being cute for a dark-skinned girl."  Now, being "cute" for a dark-skinned girl is a much more pleasant experience than just being dark-skinned.  Frankly, some other complexions make it seem as if being dark-skinned is a curse or misfortune. Neither of which is so.  Complimenting someone of darker hues by telling them they are cute within their own box or glass ceiling is really not a compliment.  It's a subliminal message that dark skin is naturally unpleasant to the eye with a hint of congratulations.  The congrats is a cherry on top because it insinuates that while you are not quite "pretty," your features helped you when compared to the greater percentage of others who are undesirable simply because they're darker complected.  Although this isn't the case for me, I believe the "curse" of being dark-skinned is what drives some women to self-hatred.  As a child, I experienced it.  I wanted to be lighter because I thought "light" was pretty.  It was that way for many years until I saw Lauryn Hill with her coarse hair and dark tint.   I came to appreciate my features that complimented my skin: my eyes, high cheekbones, full lips, keen nose-whole nine.  Being "cute for a dark-skinned girl" has challenged me to first evaluate my character because a beautiful personality beats all.  Second, it has challenged me to consider others' opinions without always internalizing them.  Third, it's encouraged me to encourage and compliment others.  You will never know what others may struggle with.  I too have been a victim of Willie Lynchism.  There was a time that I totally disregarded others who were light-skinned because I felt they assumed they were better looking.  I glorified being dark-skinned because it was what I identified with. This was one of the very goals of the letter.  As a dark-skinned cutie, I continue to encounter people in 2016 who assume they are better looking, better qualified, and frankly have the right to say what they feel about dark skin because they are lighter. The difference is I don’t go away feeling less of a person or less attractive because of their dispositions. In fact, over the years, I have begun to venture away from boxes.  I experiment with hairstyles and colors that ideally would be untouched by some who are stuck in the groove of their physical appearance.  In all humility, I’ll be the first to tell you that my skin makes mustard, burnt orange, magenta, royal blue, royal purple, and turquoise pop!  I’m ok with needing a camera flash in darker rooms! Being cute for a dark-skinned girl is an everyday experience, but just as much as anything else, it’s what you make of it.  There aren’t many “Lauryn Hill's" left.  In fact, as time progresses I suspect that self-hatred increases. Self-love and acceptance are better embraced sooner than later. One thing is for sure: your shape, size, hair length, and etc. may change, but your complexion will not. Might as well love the skin you’re in and show the world that beauty doesn’t come with categories or stipulations...

I've been mentally vacillating on this topic for some time.  Although I believe it is intended to be simple, somehow, I find it multifaceted.  I understand it to mean being open (to some degree) and honest about what may be occurring or has occurred in one's life. It's a form of keeping things 100.  I have a theory that everyone has been a criminal at some point, it’s just that not everyone has been caught (littering, dishonoring the speed limit, whatever it may be. Everyone has done something). Nevertheless, sin is the same way. Everyone has been a sinner at some point.  I take issue when some present themselves as they have always been "spotless." because there will never be a time in this life that any of us are completely clean. It's always something. The Bible instructs believers to confess our faults to one another so that we may be healed. The two concerns I'm examining at this moment are 1) false humility projected as transparency and 2) lack of discernment with what is revealed. I believe the enemy can take some of the most beautiful situations and pollute them. This is why he is able to take someone being honest about a flaw or struggle and convince them that their decision to keep it real is worth the pat on the back.  Please understand, it is not my intent to make anyone feel some type of way about being transparent. I am in agreement with transparency in the proper context. I am an avid user of transparency. Its just that as with anything else, the motive of the heart should be examined.  It seems that transparency has become an overused term that is transitioning into a fad.  Again, I'd like to stress that this is not the case for everyone that shares the content of their hearts.  

Secondly, simply put, stop telling everything! There are some things that should remain between a person and their Lord unless he leads them otherwise.  Truth be told, not everyone can handle what some people have to say.  Allow me to elaborate: a person stands up amidst a congregation and discloses severely personal information.  "I'm not ashamed to say that I ..." you fill in the blank. We've all seen this.  Later the person wonders why they are getting side eyes and in some cases, ostracism.  The word tells us that we overcome the devil by the blood of the lamb and testimonies.  Case and point; however, there must be wisdom exercised in what we share.  Lastly, I wonder to myself if accountability and transparency are twins.  If I confess what I have been experiencing to a sister or friend, should it be difficult to accept sound counsel, warning, or the truth? No shade, but I was very disturbed to see the Periscope video of Leondra Johnson and her follow-up interview.  She told the interviewers that she intentionally put herself out the way that she did because she wanted to be transparent.  Time and time again I have flipped that situation in my mind and questioned if that was a situation in which transparency went "too far."  The lines seem to be blurred when deciphering what is appropriate and what's not.  Specifically when interpretations of scripture are the deciding factor as people understand things differently.  However, I can't help but think how many people may be led astray by someone else's transparency with an issue that is unbiblically justified.  The systems of our world and society are changing abruptly and there will be a time that people will no longer be able to hide behind "maybes" or jump sides of the fence. Therefore, there is no longer time to justify our unaddressed weaknesses with "God's knowledge of our hearts."  There must be something beyond transparency, and that's my beef with it.  It's just put out there and left to morph into other things-sometimes a stumbling block.

Before everything begins I should probably explain that this entry is a reflection of my work in progress; thus, this entry will be as well.  I am the third of three children.  I am the baby by “ a long shot.”  Both of my siblings, a brother and sister, are significantly older than me.  My parents are very loving and supportive.  As a child, I did not want for anything.  It was like my support system was on a ten all the time: my mom and dad got me what I asked for and my sister followed up with what they did not to ensure that I was trendy (hair, nails, clothes, and etc).  As a result, I became spoiled; I also became particular about what I wanted: what I wanted, when I wanted it, and how I wanted it.  At the age of 20, I wrote a 10-year plan that included my boyfriend at that time, a law degree, his job as a Spanish interpreter, and children.  9 Years later I literally have none of the previously listed.  Not that that’s a bad thing. The 10-year plan was written without consulting God.  I was not born again then.  Now, I am single, a mental health professional with no children.  I am seeking God for what he will have me to do, go, help, and etc.  As I continue to grow in His grace I learn more.  One of the biggest learning experiences for me has been that of perfection: getting on the potter’s wheel; opening my heart to God exposing my wickedness, hopes, dreams, and plans, and giving him free reign to do what he sees fit to his vessel.  God has shown me that he wants to use me and I want it to be optimal.  I’ll admit, I had a season that I wanted to be in “ministry” so badly.  Imagine my surprise when I learned the least common denominator of true ministry is servitude.  Servitude caused me to learn other things such as selflessness and humility-neither of which have been easy for me.  My concept of getting what I want and operating within my own will are challenged daily as I strive to be perfected: letting patience have her perfect work, walking out Matthew 5:44, humbling myself in the presence of God to be exalted in his time, resisting envy,… the list goes on and on.  There are days that my carnality would have me run to what I know to be comfortable.  Some days it’s a struggle to put one foot in front of the other in fear of what may or may not come next.  This process has provided me with a preview of what it means to trust God.  It has also taught me that it must be ongoing, it is essential, and that there is no other way.  As I continue in transparency I will admit that there are times I would like God to pamper me: respond to my calls in urgency just like my daddy would, pat me up when I’m crying-whole 9.  It's a beautiful experience in the natural.  However, in the spirit, I am learning that I have to learn to wait.  I have to learn to humble myself.  I have to be disciplined. These are all factors of being a soldier.  Even as I type God has just reminded me that if my father knows how to give me good gifts, how much more does He? With that said, I’ll sign off here.