My profession leads people to assume that I’m outgoing. I’m quite the opposite. I’m an INTROVERT to the max. I love reading, writing, good music, art, cozy socks, good food, small circles, and being at peace with my own good vibes and thoughts. Oddly enough, I found that the pandemic was enough to drive even an introvert to socialization. God spoke the word “community” to me as we entered 2020. I didn’t know exactly what he meant. (It would have been ideal to ask him for details.) I thought it meant that I was supposed to create a community for Believing creatives. So, I went about doing so. Each attempt was shut down because of the pandemic. I kept the word in mind but continued through life as an introvert. Not too long afterward, God began to fine-tune a community within my circles. We then formed creative and safe ways for us to fellowship. We grew closer to God and each other which in turn formulated a solid community. Over a year later, I reflect and realize how dope it has been to have people I can call/video chat, eat with, hang out with, and grow with despite the requirements of masks and social distancing. The community has become a part of self-care. I’ve grown to recognize and appreciate how “iron sharpens iron” and how varieties of personalities and hobbies make for a good time. It’s also become an additional layer of support and love for a bonafide introvert such as myself. Who knew?!
I’ve been a part of relationships that I only heard from some people if I was reaching out to the other person. There have been others that I only heard from when they wanted something. It was insulting and saddening. I hated being a part of lop-sided friendships. Truth be told, I have a lot of growing to do in accepting change and walking in perpetual love.
I approached 2020 with the decision to no longer put effort into relationships that were upheld solely by my own efforts. It sounds good, but my said experience taught me that people only match a person's “energy” because they're hurt or to avoid being hurt. Sometime after my “2020 decision,” a sister-friend’s minimal effort dropped to nonexistent. Hindsight 20/20, my feelings were hurt and I felt rejected. I’ve learned that it takes more effort and emotional energy to match theirs than to actually rectify the problem and move on. It’s just not healthy. Here’s what I concluded: If you miss someone, tell them. If they’ve hurt you, tell them. Use the energy to forgive instead of returning the favor if you can’t express yourself.
I was led to read 1 John. The chapters focus on both horizontal and vertical relationships. Horizontal relationships are how we relate to each other as human beings; the vertical relationship is how we relate to God. Based on the reading, it is impossible to have a vertical relationship if we do not walk in love horizontally. The first chapter, 1 John 1:7, which really caught my attention, goes as far in the Amplified version to say
“But if we [really] are living and walking in the Light, as He [Himself] is in the Light, we have [true, unbroken] fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses (removes) us from all sin and guilt [keeps us cleansed from sin in all its forms and manifestations].(Italics added for emphasis.)”
This was a moment of truth and a legit heart check for me. My heart’s mind went beyond considering the unbroken fellowship; I realized that it was ungodly to match someone’s energy in this context. It’s a notion that was created by and should therefore remain applicable only by the world. My new challenge is to protect the peace that comes from the manifestation of the spirit of God in my life by using godly principles. Everything that has a catchy sound isn’t for [us as] believers. Finally, God has revealed to me quite plainly that we relinquish our right to hold grudges when we accept him. He forgave us, we forgive others. It’s just that simple. Our vertical relationships (with God) are significantly impacted by our horizontal ones (with others).
So, here’s my final thought: matching another person’s energy to gratify my feelings simply isn’t worth disrupting my walk with the One that counts.
Thanks for reading.
Sincerely,
Marisha
Here’s a preview of what it’s like to be a concerned and conscious Black social worker: It’s saddening to see minorities outnumber any other race (or ethnic group) in the justice system; it’s difficult beyond words trying to help people within a rigged and broken system; it feels like running uphill when you’re out of shape; there’s so much resistance that it feels like a bad idea to even try; sometimes, I’ve wondered if there have been racial slurs or condescending/stereotypical remarks used behind closed doors within private circles and conversations; it’s hurtful when violence steals a youth’s life; it’s disturbing to hear youth explain why they have nothing to lose or live for; it’s angering to be referred to as a gatekeeper and realize that you’re what stands between a child and a monster that was created to devour you both. The tricky part is feeling pressured to conceal knowledge that you are just as much prey as the child (along with everyone else who looks like you) and having to engage the dominant culture -all while appearing non-threatening, professional according to their standards, less expressive, and self-muted.
One day I was sitting at lunch as I thought about the systems of our country. I realized how difficult it is for a child to win with statistics stacked against them. Working with youth involved in the juvenile justice system has made the covert plans for Blacks apparent. But the justice system isn’t the only system that oppresses Blacks: There’s the workforce, education, healthcare, housing, plus some. Admittedly, I took the job thinking I would be satisfied if I could help a handful of kids out of the slew I've encountered. I lied to myself. Seeing the slew fall and drug between the cracks became disheartening to the point of tears. I felt like I was a part of a losing battle. I wanted to leave social work. I wasn’t sure where I thought I was going. I only knew I would wear myself out in a fixed fight. I finished my lunch and returned to work without sharing my heart or thoughts with anyone. Somehow, my will to fight returned. I’m still in the field.
Don't be confused by any of the above. I love my job, I love the youth, and I love the endless list of possibilities. Any Social Worker or therapist (I'm both) can tell you that we have our days. But, we also have our rewards. Mine are seeing youth on the up and up; watching youth grow and apply what they've gained from the sessions or groups; and one of my personal favorites, the opportunity to plant good seeds into the soils of our society.
Long story short, I didn’t quit that day. I don't know that I’ll be a social worker or therapist forever; or that my length of employment in this field will merit I can “retire” from the profession. My life and those tied to it are full of purpose. My job is by providence. It would be cowardice and irresponsible to leave my post. Needless to say, I’ll be here for however long “a while” is. So, it’s ethics, prayer, good vibes, advocacy, and self-care until my next assignment…
I've asked some of my elders if they have ever seen anything like this in their lifetime before now; each of them said no. I certainly haven't. At the time of this blog, in North Carolina, we are in a state of emergency and under a curfew except for grocery shopping or essential employees. It's something interesting to experience: toilet paper shortages, dry good limitations, being treated like you have the plague because you've coughed or sneezed (despite allergy season) in public. As with every occurrence in life, there is a lesson. Coronavirus has shut down educational institutions forcing learners to be homeschooled. I too have been schooled on a thing or two:
Appreciate the little things
I've been on three mission trips; upon each return, I've appreciated "little" things like toilet paper, toilet seats, central heating and air, 4G technology, and being close to family. Our current state of events has taught me to appreciate even smaller things like the liberty to go and come as I'd like, the ability to work a solid 40 hours per week, and simply knowing the Prince of Peace.
Time management is everything
I can admit that I haven't always maximized extra time that I'm allotted. That's just my fancy way of respectfully saying that I have procrastinated a time or two with producing art, or making overall progress. Time at home has caused me to realize that there are enough hours in the day and has led me to thank God that our nights and days are only 24 hours. Thankfully, I've pushed past procrastination to actually pen out some pieces with the time that I didn't always recognize at my fingertips.
My introversion has it's limits
Interestingly enough, I didn't know that I was an introvert until last year. I thought I was a nice, balanced hybrid of intro and extroversion. I was mistaken. I spend a great deal of time in my mind, in my own space and I'm usually quite content there. However, during the time of quarantine, I've had my moments! I've realized that human interaction is a necessity. Additionally, members of humanity need each other. Store clerks, public service providers, and other members of society have demonstrated how we depend on each other more than we think (e.g. nail salon employees and owners are missing their customers and we are missing them back!).
Cooking at home isn't that bad
As a bonafide foodie, I tend to eat out quite a bit. It has its perks: one of my favorites is eating what I want, the way that I want it, without any clean up afterward. Because the restaurants have been mandated to close their dining options, limiting them to curbside assistance, carryout, or drive-thru, many people have resulted in grocery shopping and preparing meals at home. Not to mention the fear of contracting Coronavirus in public places or rumors of a full-bloom lockdown. I've been cooking because a part of my foodie experience was dining-in. I've learned new recipes and believe that I may have developed a new way to decompress. I have also saved a lot of money!
During some of the time spent in my mind, I've replayed scenes of zombie apocalypses. The bare shelves and minimal road travel look familiar. We are obviously nowhere near a zombie apocalypse. But we are definitely close to the Lord’s return. Some of the panic and pandemonium that I've seen has specifically turned my attention to the state of the world and their earnest need for a Savior. One who is on His way back. If people have become frightened by a virus or shortages; how will it be when there is no God to respond to their call? Specifically when I consider the inability to buy, sell, or trade without the mark of the beast. Another scene that comes to mind is hoarders and compounds locking down and pushing others away in fear of losing what they have or jeopardizing their personal safety. The irony! That's kinda what I was doing. In my compound of peace not allowing others near the peace or salvation that they need.
The biggest homeschooled-lesson that I've learned is how my lack of courage and concern for mankind has led to complacency to share the love of God. The more inspirational lesson that I've learned is that it's not too late and I can use all the tools that I have to share Christ to a hurting world. We're in the year of our Lord and He is coming sooner than we know.
When we know better, we do better. What have you learned?
Sincerely,
Marisha
Before the Black community knew that trauma, Depression, or anxiety had a name, there was an answer to all our problems: the answer was Jesus. Public tears were often mistaken for weakness. Silence was golden and a sure sign of [mandatory] resilience. People have taken family secrets and trauma to the grave because that’s what they did. It’s what we do. Generations of substance abuse and unexplained anger can be linked to unaddressed emotion or experiences.
I was a Christian before I was ever a therapist. Now I’m both. But the Biblical stance trumps the DSM. I've seen a spectrum of response to Mental Health Treatment in the Black Christian Church: either Depression doesn’t exist; prayer is the only answer; or a whole bunch of psychology. I can’t say that my view falls anywhere on the spectrum. I’ve noticed within my own life how much better I’ve felt after I released some things bothering me. It started with Beauty for Ashes.
I’ve been involved in the mental health field for some time. I’m no veteran but I’ve seen some interesting things and heard disturbing/troubling scenarios. To establish balance I’ve consulted the word. Here’s what I’ve come up with:
Talking about issues helps relieve internal pressure (James 5:16). James instructs us to confess our sins and pray for one another for healing. Sin and trauma are completely different but I believe there’s relevance to discussing what’s inside and asking God to heal us.
A great deal of internal struggles happen in and begin with the mind: (2 Cor. 10:3-5). What we think and meditate on govern our responses and emotions. Thinking and re-thinking the “right” things can be a matter of negative vs constructive thoughts. Check out Philippians 4.
Even as a clinician I’ve noticed that therapy alone can sometimes be a bandage on a gunshot wound. There is some deliverance that can only be done by God e.g. psychosis. Psychosis can be treated with therapy and medication but it cannot be cured by it. Psychosis returns without treatment. Hence the need for a higher power-Jesus.
Bringing it in…
I don’t believe there’s anything wrong with therapy but at no point should it be used in lieu of seeking God for deliverance. Talk it out but depend on Him to provide your healing, strength, and continued recovery.
Sincerely,
Risha