I sometimes visualize “The Barney Bag” when I think of the enemy’s tricks and devices. For those who: 1) May find it bizarre that I know about the Barney bag; 2) Find it bizarre that I parallel the two concepts, and 3) Have no clue what the Barney bag is, follow me. I became an aunt at the age of 5. Although I was older than my nieces and nephews, I had to watch what they liked-and they LOVED Barney. Hence, I’ve seen a lot of episodes and know some of the jams from the show. 

The Barney Bag was a magical bag (because everything about Barney was magical) that would appear in the classroom/learning center filled with various items that Barney and the kids used to create various crafts for their enjoyment. They sang these lyrics each time they explored the items in the bag: “Well, I’ve been looking in my Barney Bag. And I’ve found a lot of things: gizmos and gadgets and odds and ends. Even some old string. So let’s ask ourselves a question: ‘What can we make today?’ With imagination and the Barney bag, we’ll see what we can make today.” I believe the enemy has his own “Barney Bag” and that he also looks through the devices with enthusiasm. There’s nothing spectacular about what’s inside; he simply knows how to create devices that cause distraction and destruction among the sons and daughters of God. 

Duplication is one of the enemy’s tricks. He is huge on counterfeits and has his version of everything that God has. God has conviction; the enemy has condemnation. Condemnation and shame are close kin. The enemy uses condemnation to trigger others to become silent, isolate, self-sabotage, hide, and settle further into where they are. Condemnation makes people feel worthless and unworthy. It separates its listeners from the love of God. 

I grew up in church. One of our memory verses, or what I now call “pocket scriptures”, was John 3:16. I could say it at any speed on the drop of a dime, but it took decades for me to learn the depth of what God was actually telling me in that verse. The world and I saw different versions of me when I left my parents’ nest. The enemy used some of the things I experienced and indulged in to douse me in condemnation which led me to believe that I was not worthy of the kingdom’s full benefits. I knew God loved me, but I didn’t KNOW He loved me. So, when I came to salvation, I took a backseat to everything. I hid because I felt I did well to be in the kingdom. I didn’t really need to try to push any limits by doing anything else beyond repentance. I felt three times less than unworthy.

I want everyone to know that condemnation does not come from God. We should always be remorseful and willing to turn away from what grieves or displeases God; but we should never feel that we cannot talk to him or return to him. Jesus plainly explained Satan’s plans to kill, steal, and destroy; he also plainly explained his own. He came that we could have life more abundantly.

The abundant life, life that is full of goodness, provision, protection, love, peace, and more, is available to anyone willing to accept it. We are not ignorant regarding the devil’s devices! I encourage you to refer to the word of God for insight into what God thinks and says about you. You’ll see for yourself that God has nothing but love for you. We can't go backward. It's time to move forward. Put the enemy’s device of condemnation to death and enjoy the life God intends for you.

I’ve been telling y’all for months that I had "a lot" to share. The “a lot” starts here. 2020 approached me with a pandemic and romantic interest. I met a guy through his mom in July 2020. We seemed to click instantly. We became a couple towards the fall of the same year. It was an adjustment in several ways:

• My first relationship in the kingdom

• My first relationship in over a decade

• My first long-distance relationship

As with any relationship, we had things in common; but we also had differences that, unfortunately, led to our breakup last fall. We dated for a little over a year. So, I had a valentine this time last year.

Some people are scrooges for holidays like Valentine’s Day because they are single or have a tragic past with relationships. I want to encourage you not to be. I learned that relationships come with work and are not ideal for anyone who is not willing or ready to be emotionally available, honest, flexible, or engaging. 

So, being single today is not necessarily negative. You’re not alone. Take this time to learn, grow, and establish boundaries and standards so that you are in a healthy place to enjoy the relationship and thrive together when the right person approaches. 

Happy Valentine’s Day! 

I followed Trayvon Martin’s case closely. I remember watching it from work in between tasks. I still remember how it felt when I learned that Zimmerman was not guilty: I felt betrayed; I was surprised; I was sad; I was angry more than anything else. In a sense, I was also traumatized. I never followed another trial or charge of a police officer against a Black person until George Floyd. I’ve never met him personally, but for a while, every time I thought of him crying out for his life and his mama, my eyes would grow moist.

I admit that I’ve had some grave concerns about my feelings towards the murder, the trial, and some of my heart’s responses. The Bible instructs me to love everyone(Matthew 5:44-47). It instructs to rise above mistreatment and be the bigger person, which, was the opposite of what I wanted to do. I was angry. I was offended. I was also frustrated with anyone who expressed anything other than what happened to George was wrong.

The word of God is my manual for living. It tells me how to respond to the issues of life in a way that always has my best interest at heart. God is multifaceted. He is so much more than what a lot think of him: a great and big God who either blesses, punishes, or sends people to heaven or hell. He should be revered and feared, but he should also be loved and adored. The same God that instructs me to love and rise above mistreatment also instructs me to seek justice. God loves justice.

So, where does that leave me? It leaves me to recognize that all have sinned and fallen short of God’s glory (certainly includes me). It leaves me to recognize that we all have a soul; to consider that Derek Chauvin is loved by God and worthy of forgiveness just as much as anyone else. Do I rejoice because Derek Chauvin is incarcerated? Not so much-- but I do rejoice in justice.

Some time ago I wrote a letter to my younger self. Click here to read it. A few years later and I’m officially 35. At 18, I thought 30 was old. When I turned 25, I thought: “30 isn’t that old” but I gave 40 the side-eye, once I turned 35. I’ve decided that 35 is a good age to write forward...

To my future self:

So far, so good. Of course, there have been some setbacks and disappointments, but we’ve had some come up’s too. Sometimes I wonder if you’ll hit your 5, 10, 20-year goals but I believe in (the) God in you. I believe that you will be who He said you’ll be and that the good work he began in us will be performed until the day of Jesus Christ. That’s what keeps me going and the same will help you. 

I’ve grown in some areas but there are other areas that you’ll have to carry the torch in. I told our younger self that she would be fine, and I’m telling you the same. I reflected on some things that God brought her from, and one day, you’ll beam in God’s grace when you do the same with me. God’s grace has always been here. He continues to show himself strong. You’ll see. Our younger self loved to write but was bashful to share. I still love writing and share it a little easier. I want to encourage you to never stop writing or sharing. Remember how much it’s always meant and allow that to be the reason why you write. 

There have been some significant changes. Some seasons have been unpredicted but don’t worry--I’m moving accordingly to make sure that there’s a better you. I’ve had to learn some hard lessons because our younger self wouldn’t. Our younger self missed a lot of warning signs, but so have I. Just know that I know a little more about loyalty, love, and resilience. You may be happy to know that I’m making some strides towards my physical health to make sure that you, my future self, are the best version of me that you can be. I didn’t realize that this was a joint effort until now. My younger self was the push to be the woman we’re becoming. I am the push behind you. I don’t know all the details but I know that there will be a great deal of good (to say the least). Your heart will only be warmer. Your smile will only be brighter. God’s hand will never move. I’m optimistic. You should be too.

Sincerely,

Marisha

Truth moment: I lowkey judged people who lost loved ones but continued to gather like we weren’t in a pandemic. As I write this, my grandmother officially transitioned from Earth about 4 hours ago, and all I can think of is how badly and tightly I want to hug my daddy-as unsafe as it is in a time like this. This was not the first family death that I’ve experienced since the pandemic. Nearly a year ago, I lost an aunt to COVID. I refrained from writing or speaking publically about it because I did not want to be insensitive to my family. But here’s the truth: virtually grieving was hard. Abbreviated gatherings seemed insufficient. But it’s where we are right now.

My introduction was written over three months ago when my grandma died. As of yesterday, my aunt has been deceased for one year. We don’t miss them any less. I come from large families: My mother is 1 of 13, and my father is 1 of 13. So, I have aunties, uncles, and cousins for days and days. Huge families are everything! Family gatherings are too! I’ve missed gathering while forced to grieve during the pandemic. My families are the types to celebrate and show love as units. Watching my aunt’s funeral via Facebook Live intensified my hurt because I was separated from my mom. We were fortunate. Some restrictions were lifted so we could gather in a small crowd when it was time to see my grandmother off. That was enough to be grateful for.

2020 and 2021 have helped me appreciate my loved ones more. There are lots of people who had goals for 2020/2021 that didn’t live to see. Some people planned to reconcile but lost the opportunity because death came too soon. COVID has highlighted the importance of humanity, love, and physical affection. Some things that I took for granted before now. Shoutout to everyone who has lost someone during the pandemic. Some people’s mental health was shaken. So grief hasn’t helped. Take it one day at a time. Embrace warm memories. Show love when you can.